let’s talk ivies, top 20s
when a school rejects you
When I was high school senior,
I applied to five Ivy League schools: Harvard, Columbia, University of Pennsylvania, Princeton, and Yale. Of course, I did not get into any of them. But when I’m deep in the semester at my current college (a small private college in my home city), I’m over the fact that I’m not attending a super prestigious school. I’m enjoying my time, am learning so much, have access to so many opportunities, and get to be close to home.
However, when May came around, I began to see so many videos on Instagram of 2024 high school seniors celebrating (and very rightfully so) their admissions into Ivy League schools or top 20 schools like Stanford or NYU. And I can’t help but feel a pang in my heart.
(please don’t get me wrong, I am in no way jealous of these students and truly wish them the best on their academic journeys)
I can’t pinpoint exactly what I feel. It’s a mixture of guilt of not doing enough, inferiority, missing out. Sometimes, I feel like the college I’m going to is going to dictate how the rest of my life goes. That because I’m going to a small college, everything that follows will be small: my impact, the work I create, the community I reach.
There’s a lot to unpack here.
Let’s begin with the guilt.
In my case, I truly did not do enough. I didn’t really get involved much in high school extracurricular-wise and didn’t pursue any type of passion project. This was likely the breaking point in my application. The point now is to take that guilt as a lesson and make the necessary changes to reach my goals. No point in dwelling in the past. I just have to swallow it like a pill and move forward.
However, let’s say that you did all you could, decked out your extracurriculars. They shone on your application, yet you couldn’t get into an ivy or top 20. First of all, the only things you should ever feel guilt over, and only do so to use the guilt as a lesson, are things that are in your control. How can you feel guilty over something you didn’t do? Take comfort in the fact that you did all you could, and that it was only some external factor that led to a rejection.
This next point may not be relevant to everyone, but take comfort in the fact that God averted something that wasn’t good for you from your future because you did everything you could to guarantee a good future. A rejection is then a fulfillment of your hard work.
What has reached you was never meant to miss you, and what has missed you was never meant to reach you.
Also, we could get into how fair or how random the college admissions process is in the US. But I think that can lead to venting anger on something else and no matter whether that anger is justified or not, we can use that energy to better ourselves instead.
How about inferiority…
What do they have that I don’t? Am I not as good of a writer as I thought I was? Am I not as smart as I thought I was?
There’s two aspects to this:
one is wanting other people to see you holding a certain status
and the other is, regardless of how others see you, you see yourself as less than others, worthless, stupid.
The first aspect leads to a much needed digression on competition.
Competing with others, I have come to realize, is one of the worst things you can do for yourself, and it creates friction with others. Once you stop trying to be better than others, whether that be in getting better test scores or showing off your knowledge or studying at a more prestigious university, you will find so much peace. Learn to compete against yourself, and see the growth that occurs.
For me, faith-wise, arrogance is one of the greatest sins, and even in our increasingly secular world, we all would agree on that. Who am I to boast about a blessing that I didn’t even work for? My intelligence was not something I broke my back over obtaining; it was a blessing. And who am I to think that I am the smartest of all my peers? If anything, as my bubble expanded moving from private school to public school and then to university, I feel as dumb as ever.
Embrace feeling dumb compared to others. And relish the feeling of learning then.
And honestly, no one cares about anyone else. They might see you get into an Ivy League school, but I guarantee that they might think you’re amazing for just a second, and then they’ll forget and return back to their lives revolving around them.
Leave competition for good. And see your peers as teammates, all working towards one common goal: success.
Think only of how you see yourself.
This leads me to the second aspect, or maybe second stage, when you don’t care what others think of you anymore, but you still feel worthless or stupid.
This is something that I still struggle with.
First, of course, your worth is not at all based on what university you go to. It’s based on your character: your integrity, your honesty with yourself and others, your kindness. How can your worth be based on something out of your control?
Also, let’s just say, hypothetically, that those who get into an Ivy League, while you don’t, are “better” than you, smarter than you…why does that matter so much? This goes back to the competition thing. Do you need to be the smartest person in the room? Isn’t it enough to be fighting against your own standards? Isn’t that much more worthwhile when you overcome the expectations you held against yourself rather than chasing the every-changing expectations of others? (and honestly, once your fight only against yourself, you’ll likely rise to the top of your field anyway.)
…and about missing out?
I could not tell you that the education you receive at an Ivy League is the same or is better than the one you receive at any other university. One thing that might indicate a difference is that many of the country’s leaders come out of these universities. So it seems as if you’re missing opportunities that allow you to rise to such heights.
However, I think that it’s not the institution but the people themselves that contribute towards that difference. Students with a drive, with a passion, and something to show for that passion, are usually the type of people you have a good chance at getting into prestigious universities. It isn’t necessarily the university that cultivates these qualities. Therefore, to be a leader yourself at any school you go to, it comes down to you. Are you disciplined enough to make your goals happen? Are you doing all you can to be where you want to be? Are you actively seeking out the opportunities you want?
And yes, the name of a prestigious university will get you places. But again, if you want to make something happen, you will make it happen no matter the odds stacked against you.
Is your university going to dictate the rest of your life? Does a small college mean a small impact?
I think all the other points have pretty much answered these questions. The direction your life goes depends on you. Some external factors add a hurdle or two, but are you strong enough to jump over them, find a way to make the most of them?
But again, let’s just say, hypothetically, that your work only ever reaches your local community or maybe just a small portion of it. Your work is only ever seen by a handful of people. Only a few know your name.
Why isn’t that enough?
For me, as an aspiring doctor, even if I don’t have groundbreaking research, don’t work with the greatest minds in the country, don’t develop a new type of surgery in the most prestigious university, if I can help one patient, help one child feel better, that is the whole world and double handed to me on a plate. And I can’t refuse.
In all,
I know how it feels to not get into a prestigious university. It truly stings. But I have to remember what truly matters: the power that I have, my character, the world as my teammate, fighting the most difficult struggle which is against myself, the value of making just one person feel better.
I will take every setback as a propellor towards my goals.
And keep going.
Honestly, this was more of a post to help me make sense of what I was feeling. I hope that if you happen to feel the same way as me, that this was of some solace. Let me know if you have any thoughts to add or any questions. I would love to hear what you think!
Till next week.